There’s a series of explosions and the surrounding air lets out a whimper.  You cover yourself with both arms, pinning your ears to your head.  The earth trembles.  There’s screaming, it sounds like a teapot begging for mercy.  Through a crack you see bundles of black smoke thrashing into the sky.  The smoke thins in the wind and a black flag is raised against the hazy background.

Muhammad apparently flew one of the first black flags in the 7th century.  Yes, the Muhammad.  The same guy who coalesced such a fierce following, that in 2015, you can still get shot for drawing his picture.  There’s a piece of jihadist propaganda going around that says:  “Prophet Muhammad said:  [armies carrying] ‘black flags will come from Khorastan.  No power will be able to stop them and they will finally reach Jerusalem where they will erect their flag.’”  He probably didn’t actually say that, but it gives the black flag a shitload more street cred.

The black flag has certainly earned its reputation along the way.  Afghanistan rocked the all black flag a few times in history, from 1709-38 and 1880-1901.  The Catalan Army flew the black standard during the War of the Spanish Succession.  Only they added “Viurem lliures o murirem,” which translates to “We live free or die.”

A few oddball Confederate Army units flew the black banner during the American Civil War to symbolize that they would neither show nor accept mercy.  When you see a black flag today, that seems to be the startling motif that comes to mind.

Speaking of terrorizing, al-Qaeda and its thriving abortion, the Islamic State (ISIS), both use variations of the black fluttering symbol.  The Islamic State’s flag is black with white lettering at the top.  The top part is the first half of the shahada, (Islamic declaration of faith), “There is no god but God.” Below that is a circle with essentially the other half of the shahada inside, “Muhammad is the messenger of God.”  Even with the added Arabic squiggles, there’s something daunting in the heart of that black fabric.

Historically, the white flag is a peace offering, a sign of surrender.  White symbolizes purity, wedding dresses, doves, and marshmallows – all good.  It only makes sense that the photo-negative of that peaceful white, has become a sign of terror.  Black ski-masks for bank robberies, black helicopters to deliver hellfire missiles, black feet on dirty, sandal wearing white girls – all bad.

Sure, the Islamic State and their head severing tactics have added a fresh coat of fear to the already terrorizing black flag, but they aren’t the be-all end-all.  In my opinion, the granddaddy of them all, the blackest, nastiest banner to date has to be the Jolly Roger – the infamous skull and crossbones.

I’m talking about pirates.  Hook-handed, foul-mouthed, cannon-firing desperados.  They weren’t the first to fly the black flag, they were probably a bunch of drunk assholes to be honest – but I like them the best.  In the 17th and 18th century, most pirates flew the black standard with no art.  With or without the universally recognizable skull and crossbones, the banner is a true symbol of fear.  A crew of outlaws isn’t interested in abiding by any rules of engagement.  They make that known by flying their flag high.  It represents a ruthless ferocity.  When they are on the attack, it’s a warning sign, not to beckon an escape, but to encourage surrender.

The Jolly Roger also gets my vote for the best of the black flags because the people who flew the skull and crossbones didn’t have any agenda to push their backwards ass outdated belief system on everyone else.