Why You Should Start Believing in Demons- they live in your guts
Ask your smart friends if they believe people can be possessed by demons. Go on, ask them. Don’t ask the religious ones, they’re a different kind of crazy. Ask the one with the mustache that curls at the ends. Yeah, him, the vegan with the messenger bag…or her, with the pencil holding her bun in place.
Ask them like this, “Hey, you’re so smart and you have the most college loans out of all of my friends, can I ask you a question?” “Sure.” “Do you believe people can be possessed by demons?” Then put your hands out like Frankenstein, tilt your head, and pinch their nipples.
They’ll probably say no. They’ll reference some book that you’ve never heard of and they won’t shut up for a few minutes. Just listen. Bear with it, nod, and resist the urge to go back into Frankenstein mode.
Demonic possessions are terrifyingly fun to watch in movies. Usually it happens to a young susceptible girl, (the weaker species), she’s wearing a stained robe and too much gothic-style make up. There’s always a priest, or two, in the room. This is the only time they’re not touching little boys. Instead, they’re chanting some bullshit psalms in Latin, clutching Bibles, and dousing the place with holy water (which they won’t clean up).
The possessed person appears to be having a horrible acid trip. They’re angry, they’re unconcerned with hygiene, and they’ve probably smeared shit on the walls. In their possessed state, they spit, they say “cunt,” and occasionally they’ll grope themselves in an erotically disturbing fashion.
It’s not a good thing, being possessed. It looks painful. The family members of the possessed stay in another room, shunning the poor girl like an Ebola victim. They aren’t particularly religious, but the priests are there, so they pray as a last resort.
It stays this way for many hours, but somehow, through imagination and glorified tap water, the possessed person always pulls through. In the end, the family never holds grudges about the horrifying acts and gestures of the possessed person.
You’d think they’d look at her different, at least for a few days. If my family went through an experience like that, I’d definitely keep an eye on that little demon sister. I’d keep a fire extinguisher handy, learn some Latin, and you better believe I’m not sitting next to her at the dinner table.
That’s demonic possession, or at least how Hollywood portrays it. To us, it seems goofy and over the top, but that’s because we think we’re in control. Humans have this hubris that gives us this false impression that we’re actually driving the car through life, rather than holding on to the “Oh shit bar,” in the back seat.
This is why you’re wrong. First of all, the bacteria in your body already outnumber the human cells in your body. These little microbiota cells are running around in your guts, they’re on your skin, in your filthy mouth – they’re small, but they’re everywhere. And guess what? Those little fuckers are controlling some of your decisions.
Mostly I’m talking about gut flora, the bacteria in your digestive tract. You don’t think anything of these tiny bastards because they’re in your stomach, you can’t see them, and you could probably nuke a bunch of them with a small dose of antibiotics. Your body kills some of them on its own, some die of natural causes, but they have a sneaky way of controlling what you eat.
First, these gut bacteria can manipulate your brain into eating shitty food. Fatty foods, food dripping in sugar, that’s what these gut flora want. They thrive in a belly full of Frosted Flakes; and scientists are just figuring out that these bacteria can influence you into reaching for that second Twinkie.
There’s a thing called the Vagus nerve and it runs from your brain stem into your stomach. According to the people in white coats and goggles, these demonic, gut bacteria have the ability to manipulate you through this Vagus nerve. They fuck with your mood, causing depression and anxiety, and influence your eating habits. They can release toxins when you spend too much time at the salad bar, because they’re not fond of that healthy stuff. Or they can reward you with happy chemicals when you finish the sleeve of Oreos.
Yeah, so you won’t need any priests, and you probably won’t smear shit on your mother’s wallpaper, but you’re being controlled by a bunch of little demons. That’s not too far off from Emily Rose. A microscopic army, that doesn’t share your DNA, living in your body, and influencing your decisions = possessed.
Don’t rush to the church, or to the hospital for antibiotics just yet. Your gut also contains a ton of good bacteria. They help digestion, deliver vitamins and nutrients, and boost your immune system. However, you may want to get rid of some of the demonic, bad bacteria that are conspiring to make you fat.
You can effectively exorcise yourself by eating healthy, natural foods, avoiding sugars, taking probiotics, or getting a fecal transplant if you’re dealing with powerful, Emily Rose type demons.
So the correct answer is – Yes. You can be possessed (by microscopic demons). Your head might not spin around and you may not finger yourself with a crucifix, but it could influence your mood, eating habits, and behavior.
Demonic possession is real. Keep your Bibles handy….or pay more attention to what you’re shoving into your pie-hole.