2017. On your mark...get set...BANG!
Gentlemen and ladies. Savages and scumbags of all colors and creeds. Welcome to 2017. The Bangladeshi year of the blow fish. Age of the blowhards. This year there will be mishaps and miracles, mountains and mirages. Shots will be fired, and with any luck, some of those shots will hit their mark. An orange wigged president will take office. Magic and mayhem will dance in the nuclear glow. When you feel overwhelmed, stressed, goofy, manic, look no further than this page, I’ll be somewhere on the freakish spectrum with you.
First off, I’d like to start by thanking our sponsors. These writings, until further notice, are sponsored in part by flip phones. Without flip phones life as we know it would not exist. Because of flip phones, people are able to live their lives without hyper-distractions vibrating them out of the present moment. We’re grateful that the flip phone has come on board with this sponsorship. For more information, use the code word “grant-woods” at check out and receive 82% off your next flip phone.
The first week of the new year. The special time when the gym and fast food drive through lines are equally packed. Because we’re all strange, semi-fucked up creatures. Half determined and half unconcerned with the future both individually and as a species. I personally couldn’t give a jalapeño scented fuck if you’ve already handicapped your new years resolutions. What fun would it be if you always bowled strikes?
If you are attempting to accomplish something special in 2017, (which we all are, whether it’s written down in our diaries or not), then I’m with you. I’m starting the new year off with a tall stack of books, a small stash of paraphernalia, an endless writing list, and not many fucks to give. It’s going to get hectic. And if we’re going to go out, I suggest we go out grinning and swinging.
The updates here will be dynamic in nature and sporadic in appearance. If anything goes as planned, it should get weird and wonderful. Rage will be embraced. Love will be created. We’ll explore and adventure together. And if nothing comes out of it, at least the there will be fun in the meantime.
I have no advice for the upcoming trip around the sun. I’ve got a hole in my sock as we speak, who am I to pretend I know anything? There’s plenty to learn this year. Ready or not, it is upon us.
Happy New Year, motherfuckers.
Grunt Words