Fire escape interview

Interviewer V:  Do you consider yourself an artist?

Grunt Words:  More of a destroyer.

Iv: Destroyer…in what way?

G:  Destroyer of tradition.  A pothole filled with Thai food… with a heartbeat…most of the time.

Iv:  So, do you do your work in a studio?

G:  My studio burned down.  Pure coincidence.  Microwave oven went spicy.  The trash bin, the drapes, then everything else.

Iv:  Sounds like a terrible accident.  Did you have to move?  Was anyone hurt?

G:  Nothing is permanent.  It’s still my studio.  No injuries.  Smells different.  Probably not going to get my deposit back.

Iv:  What kind of work are you doing in your studio, post-fire?

G:  Lots of trespassing.  Had to break in the neighbor's place to steal the wifi password.  Router was a casualty of the Great Microwave fire.  I also have a neighbor who has a really good coffee maker.  He works during the day, heavy sleeper.  Leaves his window open. I go up the fire escape, make a few cups of coffee, bail.  

Iv:  Wait…you steal your neighbors coffee…while he’s sleeping?

G:  No…well…yes.  I take a little coffee from time to time.  It makes the room smell nice.  Who doesn’t like waking up to the smell of coffee?

Iv:  Hey, I ask the questions here.

G:  Well ask them, you puke. 

Iv:  Was that a lie, the coffee thing?

G:  no.

Iv: Wow.  So what type of art are you making?

G:  I wrote a long story on a roll of toilet paper — prison style.  It wasn’t good.  I just put it in the bathroom.  So now I wipe my BH with it.  But…I keep it, some of it.  The story paper.  It’s hard to handle sometimes.  Some of it isn’t worth saving.  I’m repurposing the story, the salvageable parts.  Maybe I’ll make it into a large mural.  Maybe I’ll flush it. 

G:  Don’t look at me with those judging eyes.  You asked your question and I answered it.  What art are you making?  Don’t say interviewing either.  Its difficult, but it ain’t art.  A shit-story mural, that’s fine art, if you ask me.  

Iv:  You just caught me by surprise.

G:  Rule number one of interviewing.  Always be surprised.  No expectations.  What did you think I was working on in a burned down studio?

Iv:  I…I thought that you were maybe working on a novel, or a series of short stories…

G:  Boring.  It’s been done.  I tried going the traditional route.  It’s worse than death.  I can live on very little.  I can live like a caged animal.  But I work the best when I’m…you know…going up the fire escape, and getting enough fiber in my diet.  Always writing, but there must be some excitement — off the page.  Coffee helps.  

Iv:  How did you develop your style?

G:  What’s my style?

Iv:  I’d call it…well…it’s difficult to classify.

G: Try.

Iv:  You have a very…a kind of renegade…

G:  Stop.  Stop trying.  Is that your cat?  Does it have mange?  It looks tired.  

Iv:  That’s my fiancé.